《老友记》里的污梗
全文来自谷大白话的付费回答，留存，以后再看美剧时对照。
《老友记》里有很多被人忽略的黄暴段子。甚至时常看到有人说“F6是纯洁的喜剧”“2.5Men太三俗，你看人家老友记多健康”。这种误解的主要原因是，《老友记》年代太早，翻译版本都比较粗糙，不少三俗笑点被丢掉。比如S3E23里的一段：
Ross: I was in the shower, and I felt something. Chandler: Was it like a sneeze, only better? 『我洗澡时忽有所感。』『是不是像打了个喷嚏，但比那棒多了？』 这句字面上看起来没什么，但观众为啥会笑呢？因为小钱钱的意思并非『打喷嚏』而是『打飞机』。
类似的黄暴段子我总结过80多个。这里挑比较好玩的30个列出来。由于篇幅有限，我直接给关键词答案。
S2E19
Rachel: How do expect me to grow, if you won’t let me blow?
Ross: You know I don’t have a problem with that.
Rachel说的是『吹风』Ross指的是『口交』
S2E06
Joey: My Uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
Chandler: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
小钱钱说Joey叔叔『口活好』
S2E04
Chandler: This is the craziest typing test I’ve ever seen.
Monica: She better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he’s the one getting the job.
Ross说的是『口交』
S1E01
Ross: She always drank it out of the can. I should have known it.
Ross说『她喝饮料都是直接对罐喝，我早就该看出(她是拉拉)』。这里暗示的是给女性『口交』。
S6E09
Ross: Oh my God. The pages are stuck together.
Joey: Chandler!
Joey的意思是『打飞机』导致书页粘在一起。
S10E13
Monica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn’t pay much attention in sex ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy, it’d be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
Chandler: Oh God, what was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
Monica: The thing we never do.
Chandler: Shovelly Joe.
莫妮卡说的是『爆菊花』
S3E20
Monica: But no, it was to be looked at but never played with.
Chandler: My grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
莫妮卡在说玩偶屋。小钱钱说的是『小丁日』。
S3E08
Joey: Remember, something this big and long can be very difficult to maneuver. Fortunately, I have a lot of experience in that area.
看似在说筷子，其实Joey在夸自己丁日长。
S6E14
Chandler: You didn’t get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night long did you?
Joey: Sort of.
需要纸巾的电影，你猜是言情片还是A片？
S1E21
Joey的艺名Holden McGroin，『抓我下体』。
——————
S5E16
Rachel: Whoa, what’s that?
Ross: Oh, that’s me.
Rachel: Wow. You certainly think a lot of yourself.
Ross: No, that’s my arm.
Chandler: Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
勃起梗。Rachel认为Ross吹牛X，小钱钱嘲讽Ross看到新沙发欲火焚身。
S4E01
Rachel: Hey, just so you know, it’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!
Chandler: I knew it!
这是『We were on a break』Ross摔门而去那段里面让很多人费解的一段黑话。Rachel到底在黑Ross什么？而小钱钱怎么又深有同感了？其实这里说的是『不举』。
S1E04
Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if little Joey’s dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross: Joey, omnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I thought it was like a theoretical question.
Joey一直听成I’m impotent.『我阳痿』
S5E13
Joey: But it is odd how a woman’s purse looks good on me, a man. Rachel: Exactly, unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No, no, Joey. U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain’t gonna say no to that.
谐音梗You need sex. You and I sex.
S2E14
Joey: Oh, and do you have any idea what this will do for your sex life?
Chandler: Well, it’ll probably slow it down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight I’ll be back on track.
Joey说的是手镯能帮钱钱泡妞。小钱钱说的是『打飞机』。
S3E08
Rachel: If it’s not a headboard, it’s just not worth it.
Rachel不小心撞了头，她说『如果不是床头板的话，那撞得就太不值了』。指的是嘿咻过程中嘿得太嗨，女生脑袋撞到床头板。
S4E07
Rachel: I just had a great time with my self.
Chandler: Well, this could be a good story.
小钱钱说的是『自慰』
S2E15
Ross: Australopithecus was never fully erect.
Chandler: Maybe he was nervous.
跟Homo erectus那个梗接近，这里小钱钱把erect当成了勃起。
S4E02
Chandler: What the hell happened? How are you locked in there? Where the hell’s all of our stuff?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit, and he said he didn’t think it wasn’t big enough to fit a grown man.
Chandler: So, you got in voluntarily?
Joey: I was trying to make a sale. You know, if I ever run into that guy again, you know what I’m going to do?
Chandler: Bend over?
小钱钱的意思是『附身献菊花』
S6E03
Joey: I’m going to say a word, and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Girl: I can do that.
Joey: Okay. Here we go. Pillow.
Girl: Fight.
Joey: Very good. Okay, G.
Girl: String?
Joey: Excellent. Okay, doggy.
Girl: Kitten?
Joey: Oooh, sorry. So close though. But you know, bye bye.
这是Joey面试室友那一段。女生回答kitten错误的原因是，正确答案是style，doggy style，后入式。
————
S2E15
Rachel: Oh honey, that’s okay. It doesn’t matter.
Ross: What? Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
Rachel: Oh, thank God.
两人第一次亲热。Rachel以为Ross太激动『早泄』了。
S4E11
莫妮卡seven那段结束之后。几个人都默默回到自己房间。去『打飞机』了。
S7E03
Rachel: How do you get the main sail up?
Joey: Uh, rub it?
Joey听到up就想到三俗。『撸它?』
S5E11
Ross: I’m gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room?
Ross说想让自己开心。小钱钱说的是他要『打飞机』。
S8E24
Cliff: Wow. I usually get to know a girl a little better before I let her spoon me.
Phoebe: Relax, it’s not like we’re forking.
菲比的f-word谐音梗。
S4E07
Chandler: Come in, have a seat. Bow or stern?
Kathy: I don’t really have a preference. You?
Chandler: I like it in the stern. Of the boat.
bow和stern是船头船尾。这里小钱钱又三俗了『我喜欢后面』。
S4E24
Judy: Oh sorry we’re late. My fault. I insisted on riding the tube.
Jack: Judy. The kids.
Judy: Jack, that’s what they call the subway.
莫妮卡他妈说的是『坐地铁』，他爸想的是『啪啪啪』。tube也有管子的意思。
S1E14
Pheobe: And now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachael: Well, if we had that we wouldn’t be doing the ritual in the first place.
几个闺蜜在求桃花运。菲比说需要正直好男人的精液。Rachel说，咱要是能搞到这玩意，哪还用求桃花啊！
S2E21 Multi-Meaning Tattoo
Monica: You know, my motto is ’get out before they go down.’
Joey: That is so not my motto.
Joey的意思是先睡了再跑
S2E11
Monica [to Ross]: All right, ball a melon!
Chandler: How come I’m stuck dicing when he gets to ball a melon?
小钱钱抱怨Ross的工作比他的好。ball a melon字面意思是给蜜瓜挖成球。三俗意思melon是咪咪，所以这里也暗示『乳交』。
类似的还有很多，有些甚至没有台词，只靠表情和动作就能黄暴了。表情比如某次Rachel问Ross：Hey, you know what we never did? Ross立刻欣喜得两眼放光，然后Rachel说: Oh, no. Not that. 动作比如，用手来比划丁日大小那次。《老友记》编剧曾经表示，他们每天坐在一起都在想黄段子，以及怎样把黄段子巧妙地放进台词。所以只要用心去找，你肯定还能发现很多最开始看时错过的精彩。
